SMCM Board Member Criticized For Silencing Progressives

An official from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) was secretly recorded admitting to tipping the scales away from a progressive Democrat toward a more moderate one. That official was St. Mary’s County Congressman Steny Hoyer.

Hoyer has represented Maryland’s 5th Congressional district, where St. Mary’s College of Maryland is located, since 1981. During his tenure, he has climbed the ranks within the Democratic party, ascending to the number two spot, house minority whip. It is in that capacity, on the behalf of the DCCC, that Hoyer met with a progressive Democrat, Levi Tillemann, and urged him to drop out of his Congressional Democratic primary race, according to the Intercept.

Since 1995, Hoyer has been a member of the St. Mary’s College of Maryland Board of Trustees.

When Hoyer and Tillemann met in a Denver hotel, Hoyer said that the DCCC has a “policy that early on, we’d try to agree on a candidate who we thought could win the general and give the candidate all the help we could give them.” That help includes “extra resources from the DCCC,” namely money, according to Vox.

Officials from the DCCC maintain that they have been transparent in their support of candidates throughout the primary elections. The DCCC’s National Press Secretary, Tyler Law, said in a statement, “we have been clear all cycle that we reserve the right to get involved in primaries to ensure that there is a competitive Democrat on the ballot in November.”

But, many progressives argue that the organization’s involvement counteract democratic ideals. Tillemann pushed back against Hoyer in their meeting, arguing it was unjust for “a decision [to be] made very early on before voters had a say.” Tillemann, then, asked Hoyer if he thought that “the DCCC knows better than the voters of the 6th Congressional District?”

“Staying out of primaries sounds small-D democratic, very intellectual and very interesting” Hoyer responded, “but if you stay out of primaries, and somebody wins in the primary who can’t possibly win in the general [it is] not [a] very smart strategy.”

Vox reports that party officials claimed they would remain neutral in Democratic primaries, but “the secret recording of Hoyer makes it clear the party isn’t doing that.”

“Progressive candidates are finding that the DCCC has mobilized support for moderate candidates with access to early campaign cash at the expense of progressives,” according to The Intercept. By financing their opponents, many argue, the DCCC is effectively preventing grassroots campaigns from taking off.

Hoyer’s office defended his statements, according to The Baltimore Sun. When asked about the recording a communications aide said, “Whip Hoyer is committed to taking back the House, and that involves working with local leaders to identify and support the strongest candidate for that district.”

“In terms of candidates and campaigns, I don’t see anything inappropriate in what Mr. Hoyer was engaged in — a conversation about the realities of life in the race as to who can make the general election,” the number one Democrat, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, said of the recording.

“The [Democratic] party, notably, has a poor track record in selecting candidates that can win the general election,” Lee Fang writes in The Intercept. Fang cites 2006 surprise victors who were also deemed too left-leaning to win by the DCCC.

Progressives say that this is a trend within the DCCC. Tillemann campaigned on election integrity, fighting climate change, “Medicare for All,” free community college and “confronting economic inequality and monopoly power,” according to the Intercept, while his opponent, Jason Crow, is more business friendly.

Such mirrors the situation other progressives have faced. Mai Khanh Tran was urged to drop out of the running for Congress in California after the DCCC sided with a former Republican, Gil Cisneros, according to The New York Times. Pennsylvania progressive Democrat Greg Edwards told The Morning Call that he was urged to withdraw from the primary by national DCCC representatives who back a more moderate candidate, despite having led the field of Democrats in year-end fundraising reports. Laura Moser, another progressive, had to defend herself after the DCCC posted “a short but brutal collection of hits” against her on their website, according to The Washington Post.

Yet, some left-leaning pundits support the DCCC actions. Eric Levitz of New York Magazine wrote a piece titled “Rigging’ Primaries Is Fine. Backing Bad Candidates Isn’t” about the Hoyer tape, arguing, “in toss-up districts with crowded primary fields, and a conspicuously strong (or weak) general election candidate … it might be wise for the DCCC to intervene.”

Tilleman is under fire from the Democratic leadership for both the substance of his argument and the methods he used to get the audio recording. “I don’t know that a person can tape a person without the person’s consent and then release it to the press,” Pelosi told reporters according to Vox.

“This was a very difficult decision to make … I respect confidentiality and I respect privacy” Tilleman told The Baltimore Sun.

DCCC strategy is in the news right now as the midterm elections approach. Both the Democratic and GOP primaries will take place on June 26, 2018.  

Student Finds Lead in SMCM Water

A student tested a sample of water from Calvert Hall of St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM) and found that it tested positive for lead contamination.

Trisha Scotton, ‘18, who wrote a St. Mary’s Project (SMP) titled “Get the Lead Out: How Flint Michigan Ignited my Interest in Lead Poisoning,” bought a lead test kit and used it to check Calvert Hall “because it is the oldest building” on campus. Scotton says that any building built before 1957 likely has lead in the pipes.

Scotton says that the water came in as just below the “acceptable” level according to the test kit, but adds the caveat that “any level of lead is immediately bad for you.”

According to Scotton, she has told officials from the school and that they “are doing something” to address her findings.

The College periodically releases water testing data. According to their tests, in 2016 SMCM’s drinking water “met both Federal and State requirements.”

Lead was most recently tested in 2014; the report states that they found a lead action level 15 parts per billion, whilst the ideal level is zero.

This information can be found on under the title “Water Quality Report.”

US Income Inequality is a Humanitarian Crisis

American exceptionalism is alive and well, but we should be ashamed of it.

Today, the United States is one of the wealthiest nations the world has ever seen, but we have some of the most egregious income inequality to boot.

The United States of America is the “city upon a hill” which politicians from Reagan to Obama so dearly describe it as, but not for admirable reasons.

Income inequality in the US is so bad that when the United Nations sent a representative to examine poverty in states, he found that the “United States has proved itself to be exceptional in … problematic ways that are shockingly at odds with its immense wealth and its founding commitment to human rights.”

That UN representative is named Philip Alston. His title is UN’s special rapporteur on extreme poverty and human rights, and he found that despite incredible pockets of wealth and technological advancement, the United States has been negligent, leaving an incredible 40 million people in poverty.  

The US has the highest level of inequality of all Western nations. Of the 37 member-nations in the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, the US ranks 35 in terms of poverty and inequality.

In preschool, most of us are taught that fairness is ensuring that everyone gets a slice of the pie. If that pie has eight slices, the top one percent of households by income have 3.2 slices of that pie, the other 99 percent share the remaining 4.8 slices, according to New York University economics Professor Edward N. Wolff and The Washington Post.

This gross inequity is pervasive, it plays a role in every horrendous facet of injustice, from a lack of access to life-saving drugs to homelessness to the influence of dark money in elections.

Rampant, unfettered capitalism is to blame. To continue in a system which has such a nonchalance towards the suffering of millions is immoral and history will reflect poorly on us if we don’t address it.  

Democratic and Republican governments have been complicit in this immoral inequality. In 2016, I wrote a piece claiming that a return to politics as usual, with a more “normal” Republican like Bush would be better than Donald Trump. This was a mistake. Establishment figures from both parties have been working together to maintain this status quo.

Luckily, there are already policies drafted to combat this inequality. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, one of the presumed 2020 presidential candidates, has made waves through the introduction of a federal jobs guarantee.

In addition, numerous Democratic lawmakers have introduced legislation to “open up an existing government health insurance program, either Medicare or Medicaid, to anyone who wants it” according to The Washington Post.

Both of the aforementioned policies would not only provide necessary services to the people of this nation but also work to retroactively balance the inequity of this nation.

Such is the only way to right the wrongs this country has allowed to occur.

Vegetarian Co-op Conflict

The bottom floor of the Queen Anne Hall dormitory (QA) is where the “fringier communist hippie people” of St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM) eat, according to a characterization from former Vegetarian Cooperative (Co-op) President Teri Koster, ‘13.

The Co-op is an alternative arrangement for students looking to eat meat-free diets at a fraction of the price of the Great Room.

Though it’s touted on the SMCM website as “another great option for students who need dietary accommodations,” it has been the subject of debates dating back to at least 2012. Fissures between the Co-op and both their fellow residents of QA and SMCM administrators have ensued.  

Students apply to become members of the Co-op. If accepted they pay dues each semester to buy into a family-style meal plan, shopping, cooking, eating and sharing chores together. According to the group’s mission statement, they “are a community that strives to maintain sustainable and local food practices based on collective values by cooking in a peaceful and democratic space where creativity and respect of individual [meatless] dietary needs or choices are promoted as a family that eats each others’ food and pretends that it was good.”

But the Co-op has faced criticism, by their own concession sometimes rightly so, and threats of being shut down from the Office of Residence Life (Res-Life).

Koster was the president of the Co-op for three semesters. She told The Point News (TPN) in an email that she perceived animosity from Res-Life when she took the reins of the organization in 2012. According to Koster, the SMCM administrator in charge of Res-Life at the time, Joanne Goldwater “had issues with ANY way we managed money, and came up with ZERO ways to solve these problems [emphasis Koster’s].”

Koster says that issues arose with the financial accounts of the Co-op. She says that the group was not allowed to have SMCM nor a student name on their bank account which they use to purchase groceries, allocating them no options. Such seems to have been resolved, alas new disagreements have arisen.

The Co-op’s current president, Lizzie Schack, told TPN that their struggles have been with maintaining an ample number of members and sharing space with the residents of QA.

Schack says that some people living in QA resent the Co-op. Residents of QA are “willing to blame us for their unfortunate living conditions,” Schack said via email. She points out potential grievances such as the fact that “the QA kitchen is particularly small because space is taken up by the [C]o-op … they have to use a mostly/completely broken stove even though there is a working one right behind the locked [C]o-op door, and … we make everything smell like frying garlic.”

When asked about the relationship between the residences and the Co-op, QA Residence Hall Coordinator Anna Taflan, ‘19, told TPN “since the [C]o-op is situated in the common area of the building, it interferes very little with day to day resident life.”

However, current residents of QA, which houses predominately underclassmen, say that the Co-op creates an undue burden, suggesting that they bring pests in. Schack concedes that “the [C]o-op has been notoriously dirty for the [last] decade or so … we also do have a lot of food stored in the [C]o-op, so if food gets left out regularly, we do attract cockroaches from other parts of the building.”

Schack says that an exterminator told the College that, “the [C]o-op is not the source of the roaches!”

Ben Derlan, 2017 Co-op co-president, says that the group stuck to a cleaning regiment, replaced several appliances, and complied with all instructions to have the kitchen fumigated.  “After winter break, we discovered that the building was not fumigated but merely sprayed; and cockroaches persisted,” Derlan said via email. He continued to say that the Co-op was not the only group to blame for the pests. According to him, SMCM did not do enough to help the Co-op with the issue of pests. “In effect, the [C]o-op is a tenant of the school; the same things expected of a landlord-tenant agreement should be expected in this situation.”

Such, according to Schack, has led some to see the Co-op as “too much hassle for too little benefit.” She says that “every so often, the [C]o-op gets an ultimatum” from Res-Life. She says there are “especially intense periods in the ongoing hostile treatment of the [C]o-op by [R]es-[L]ife” when they are told to “fix this thing or we’re shutting down the [C]o-op.”

Most recently, the Co-op had far too few members. Incoming presidents of the Co-op, Anna Sawyer, ‘20, and Christina Miller, ‘19, say that they met and exceeded their quota for the upcoming semester, with 15 members. Sawyer says that the two of them “are super pumped about revamping the Co-op for the fall semester, and we’re planning on implementing more sustainable practices in the [C]o-op. We’ll be having weekly family dinner next year, and are very excited about what next year has to offer.”

Neither Director of Residence Life Derek Young nor Goldwater, the previous director of Residence Life, responded to TPN’s request for comment before our print deadline.


(Photo Courtesy of SMCM Vegetarian Co-op Facebook Page)

Is Solomon Really a Seahawk?

St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM) students have been represented by the Seahawk mascot since 1984. The seahawk costume currently in use was unveiled and named Solomon in 2008. But, according to multiple people with expertise in bird anatomy, Solomon is not, in fact, a seahawk.

The Empath, a previous iteration of The Point News (TPN), reported in 1984 that the mascot was chosen by “students, faculty and staff [who] selected ‘Seahawks’ with 46 [percent] of the total vote over ‘Saints’ which was a distant second with 18 [percent] of the vote.”

In 1994, according to an SMCM archival photo and a TPN article, the mascot was named “CJ.” The costume used at that time was a blue bird with a white head and orange feet. In 2008, CJ was replaced with Solomon. The costume, according to SMCM Athletics, was purchased in part through a gift from the class of 2008 who donated money as their senior class gift.

The SMCM Seahawks are in a similar situation to the Seattle Seahawks. “What is a seahawk? Actually, there is no such thing,” the National Audubon Society said. “No ornithologist would refer to them as such … Some people, though, consider ‘sea hawks’ to be a nickname for ospreys.”

“Ospreys are sometimes called sea hawks,” Professor of Biology and ornithology expert Jordan Price told TPN. “They are more often called ‘fish hawks.’” Price seemingly agreed that Solomon was supposed to represent an osprey. But, he conceded, if the more commonly accepted name was used it “wouldn’t have been as popular as a school nickname: The St. Mary’s Fish Hawks.”

“An osprey is characterized as having a brown back and wings with a white underbelly. They have a brown stripe that goes across the eye which is yellow,” according to Lizzie Wenker, ‘17, a biology graduate from SMCM who currently works at the National Zoological Park’s nutritional lab. “Their beak is black and hooked and legs are covered in white feathers which Solomon doesn’t have.”

Solomon the Seahawk usually wears a yellow jersey. In photographs of him without his uniform, it is evident that his back, wings and underbelly are all a dark shade of navy blue, close to black. Solomon does not match the description Wenker gave of an osprey.   

Photo courtesy of SMCM Athletics.

Todd Forsgren, the author of “Ornithological Photographs,” said that “the only local species Solomon resembles is a Bald Eagle.” Price agreed, stating that “Solomon resembles a sea eagle more than an osprey,” but Forsgren added the only sea eagle in North America is the bald eagle. Price continued to suggest that Solomon resembles the African fish eagle and the Steller’s sea eagle.

African fish eagles have white heads and yellow beaks like Solomon. These attributes are more often seen in mascot costumes for eagles than they are for ospreys.

Price explained, however, that SMCM is not alone with having a mascot which “looks nothing like the animal it is supposed to represent.” The National Audubon Society points out that the Seattle Seahawks are in a similar situation and Price added that the Baltimore Orioles changed their logo in 2011 to one that is now non-ornithologically accurate.

“The Solomon costume is definitely not an osprey but I doubt anyone has biologically accurate osprey mascots,” Wenker added. She did, however, say that the Stockton University Osprey costume is “pretty close.”

Photo Courtesy of Stockton University’s Facebook page.

(Editors note: A version of this article appears in print without comment from the SMCM Athletics Department. The following update was added after their comments were received.)

Director of Athletic Communications Nairem Moran told TPN in an email that, “We in the athletic department realize that Solomon is not your typical ‘sea hawk.’” Moran says that due to budgetary and other restrictions, the costume they found was their best option.

Similarly to Price, Moran added that other mascots are not necessarily ornithologically accurate, “Susquehanna University is the Riverhawk (another name for the osprey) and their mascot, Bernie, is also eagle-like.”

Scott Devine, director of athletics and recreation, added, “We realize that the time has come to look into another mascot as the current one is old and out-of-date.”

News-in-brief: Plans for Communal Space at Crescents

The Crescent Townhouses on the St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM) campus may be getting a communal space.

Maurice Schlesinger, facility planning and operations executive, presented a summary of proposals from the Office of Planning and Facilities to build a new area adjacent to the Crescents at a Student Government Association (SGA) meeting April 10.

The construction project is a part of the multi-million dollar plan to create new infrastructure on campus, which was initially headlined by the construction of the Jamie L. Roberts Stadium and Athletic Fields. Because the athletic stadium is set to move from its current place, in between the Michael P. O’Brien Athletics and Recreation Center and the Waring Commons (WC) residence hall, that space is free for new building plans, according to the Office of Planning and Facilities website.

Where the athletic stadium currently resides will become the site for a new academic building. The building will hold music department classrooms, practice facilities and faculty offices classrooms, labs, as well as faculty offices for the education department. Additionally, the proposal summary states that there will be a 700 seat auditorium, and a “contemporary study and collaborative learning space for students.”

According to Schlesinger’s presentation, at the curve of what is currently the track, near where the steeplechase pit resides, the proposal calls for the creation of a communal space. Ideas varied for how to occupy the space, from making a large mound of dirt creating a hill to lounge on, to a more sophisticated area with benches for students to do school work. Schlesinger pointed out that all of the plans mentioned included a direct walkway across from WC to the academic buildings across the field.

Student Alina Martin, ‘19, spoke before Schlesinger at SGA to discuss some ideas for how to use the space. Martin had created eco-friendly proposals as a part of art class. After the meeting, Veronique Nedeau, ‘20, sent out an all-student email to create a committee for student input on the project.

Interested students in joining said committee should contact Nedeau via email.

SMCM Alum Brandon Scott Running for Lt. Governor

Baltimore City Councilman Brandon Scott says his gubernatorial campaign is one that members of the St. Mary’s community should support. He says that because he was once a student at St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM), and he hopes to bring lessons that he learned while at the College to Annapolis.

“I know the St. Mary’s Way, I represent what our school and our school’s culture is about,” Scott told The Point News. He explained that to him this means “focusing on the needs of everyone and making sure that everyone is getting treated fairly and getting the basic things that they need.”

Scott is running as the second name on the gubernatorial ticket with lawyer and businessperson Jim Shea.

Todd Eberly, associate professor of political science at SMCM, invited Scott and subsequently the whole campaign to SMCM for a meet and greet with students on March 19.

According to a City Paper profile, Scott was a “track star” at Mergenthaler Vocational-Technical High School (Mervo). Per PressBox, Scott was an “outstanding” runner who “could have run in college,” but elected to go to SMCM for its academics, despite the lack of track and cross country teams at the College at the time.

Councilman Scott said that by “force and by accident” he became a Seahawk. He explained that he was hesitant: after being raised in Baltimore, the rural southern Maryland setting of SMCM was initially off-putting. Ultimately, he speaks highly of his choice to attend SMCM. “This place made me who I am,” Scott said, adding that everything he does “is impacted by his time at SMCM.”

At SMCM, Scott was a member of the Student Government Association (SGA) and the president of the Black Student Union (BSU). He also served on St. Mary’s Multicultural Advisory and African Heritage Month committees from 2004-2006, and received multiple awards for his club service. Scott accredits his time at SMCM with educating him on the struggles of women and members of the LGTBQ+ community.

Scott studied political science at SMCM, he jested in his meet and greet remarks that Eberly never gave him an A and that associate professor Sahar Shafqat was constantly being hard on him. Yet, Scott said that these tough times made him better.

“Brandon was one of my favorite students,” Shafqat told The Point News (TPN) via email. “He was always very engaged and he was always looking to apply the material in class to real-life issues, especially with the goal of advancing social justice.” Shafqat continued, “Brandon was also fun to have in the classroom; he was warm and had a great sense of humor. I am so happy to see him doing so well and doing good work for communities.”

After graduating in 2006, Scott worked briefly as a site program specialist for Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Central Maryland before being hired as a community liaison to former Council President Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, of whom he is a “protege” according to City Paper.

Due to a shift in leadership in 2011, partly due to Rawlings-Blake becoming the Mayor of Baltimore, a vacancy opened up on the city council. Scott ran to fill that spot and won, becoming the second youngest person to sit on the council at the age of 27.

The millennial is now 34 years old. Through his time on the Baltimore City council, Scott has helped usher in younger leadership. He told TPN that he believes that young people are a key component to revitalizing the Democrat’s “tired” message.

“The only way our country is going to represent us is if we [young people] stay involved,” Scott said. “I think that we have to realize that the reason why the Democrats lost the Governor’s mansion in Maryland in 2014 and then the presidential election in 2016 is because the message was tired … because we [the Democrats] were no longer tapping into new young leadership.”

Scott’s running mate, Jim Shea, is 65 years old. Shea told The Baltimore Sun that Scott has “got youth and experience on his side,” Shea said. “He’s part of a generation that’s coming into its own with lots of potential and not interested in the same-old, same-old.” In an interview with The Baltimore Fishbowl, Shea said Scott “adds an enormous amount to the ticket.”

Scott sees the diversity between himself and Shea to be an asset. “With him being an older white guy and me being a young black guy … to us it’s a strength because we can do the very things that no one else can do.” He explains that they both can provide access for one another to populations which they would not have as easy of a time touching otherwise. “We can touch those people at all ends of the spectrum and in a genuine way,” and those conversations lead to policy decisions, Scott said.

According to their campaign website, their policy proposals include plans for improved job security with more opportunities, better pay and better benefits, cleaning up the environment, rejecting systematic racism, healthcare for all Marylanders, equal rights for women, the LGBTQ+ community and people with disabilities.

When asked about his specific policy proposals, Scott replied that both him and Shea had brought different, yet collaborative, policy expertise to the ticket. Scott noted that Shea was the environmental, education, and healthcare wonk, while he was interested in public health and safety and diversity issues.

Scott told TPN about a new initiative he plans to roll out creating an “equity bill” in Baltimore City. Scott suggested that the bill would be rolled out requiring that “every city agency and the city itself come[s] up with an equity plan for racial equity, gender equity, sex equity, and even economic equity for folks. Every agency will have to analyze all of their policies, from hiring, spending policies, procurement policies, and H[uman] R[esource] policies and how they impact equity… throughout the city.”

Additionally, Scott is is an advocate against police brutality and for reform of the institution. He chairs the Baltimore City council’s public safety committee. Most recently he advocated for a MD state bill to investigate police corruption surrounding the “disgraced” Baltimore City police Gun Trace Task Force, according to The Baltimore Sun. Scott supports a police accountability initiative to have the Department of Justice to invest nationally in body camera technology and law enforcement training.

When asked about healthcare, education and environmental policy, Scott largely deferred the questions to his running mate.

(Editor’s Note: The Shea-Scott campaign agreed to speak with TPN for a telephone interview with Mr. Shea, however, TPN was unable to keep their appointment.)

Shea’s healthcare promise is to “convene those with a vested interest to find workable solutions that provide more quality and affordable health care to Marylanders,” according to the campaign website. “I will not be satisfied until every single citizen in Maryland has access to quality and affordable care.”

On Nov. 13 of 2017, The Baltimore Sun reported on Shea’s education plan which covers children “covers kids from womb to job interview.” His proposal includes universal preschool, child care subsidies, after-school care and summer programs, plus tuition-free community college, higher pay for teachers as well as a new K-12 curriculum pegged to international standards and emphasises on extra funding for poor areas. In an interview with, Shea added “a key element in my plan would be a career track for teachers including compensation. This plan has been critiqued for being quite costly, The Sun referred to it as a “multibillion-dollar” proposal.

According to their campaign website, if elected Shea and Scott vow “to ensure that the Department of the Environment and the Attorney General’s Office have the resources they need for inspection and enforcement,” shift Maryland’s energy consumption to renewables, setting goals of “at least 50 percent of our energy consumption should come from renewable source [by 2030” and 100 percent by 2050.

If Shea and Scott win the primary in a crowded field of Democrats they will face off against the incumbent Governor Larry Hogan.

When asked about their chances against the relatively popular GOP Gov. Hogan in the Democratic-leaning state, Scott answered in a similar manner to State Senator Richard Madaleno, critiquing Hogan’s inaction.

According to The Washington Post, 47 percent of respondents to a mid-February Goucher College poll say they are “leaning toward” or “would definitely vote for Hogan,” but 43 percent say they are “leaning toward” or would “definitely vote for another candidate.”

“Regardless of how popular Hogan is, it’s still going to be competitive,” Mileah Kromer, director of the Sarah T. Hughes Field Politics Center at Goucher, told The Washington Post. If Hogan is able to win, he would become Maryland’s first Republican governor to win a second term in 60 years.

In Feb. The Post reported that Shea and Scott’s campaign was solidly in the second tier of candidates, alongside Madaleno, Alec Ross, and Krishanti Vignarajah. All are trailing Democratic candidates like Ben Jealous and Rushern Baker.

But, Shea has had a standout performance in terms of fundraising. He has connections in the legal community and with Democratic donors which have helped him. Half of the campaign contributions to Shea were at the maximum, $6,000, legal amount. “About $587,000 came from employees of Venable law firm, where Shea served as chairman … He had $1.34 million available as of last week, making him the only Democrat besides Kamenetz with seven figures in the bank,” according to The Post.

The primary election on June 26, 2018, and the general on Nov. 6, 2018. See our “2018 Gubernatorial Races: An Overview” article to find out more.

The New Student is “Excited” and “Honored” to be enrolled at SMCM

Disclaimer: This article was published as a part of our April Fools Edition. To see the full PDF version, click here.

The St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM) Class of 2023 consists of one lone student.

Since 2014, SMCM has been below the undergraduate student headcount goal according to the Office of Institutional Research. Despite boasting 1,800 students on online profiles, the College actually enrolls about 1,500 people.

Members of the administration have accredited this downturn to an admissions crisis. While the admissions numbers had been steadily declining, they took a sharp downturn for the class of 2023, enrolling just one student for the incoming freshman class.

“When I got my acceptance letter, I nearly threw it out,” Malik Johnson told The Point News. “I applied as a backup in case I messed up my application to Howard County Community College [HCCC].”

But after Johnson realized that he forgot to put his name on the application to HCCC, he fished out his SMCM letter from the trash and reluctantly settled on attending his safety school, SMCM. “I really screwed that one up,” the incoming first-year said.

Nevertheless, Johnson was surprised when he came to the accepted student day event and was personally met by the entire administration of SMCM. “We just wanted Mr. Johnson to feel welcomed,” the provost said.

“I was freaked out. I was like, ‘am I the only person here?’” Johnson recalled. He was, in fact, the only person there. The administrators “told me I should be ‘excited and honored,’ but don’t take that out of context, neither of those things is true,” he said.

Johnson will have his pick of the litter in terms of housing. “I plan to make Dorch[ester Hall] my castle,” he said. And he may well do that, as he will have the entire building to himself.

“I mean why not?” Derek Young, director of Residence Life replied in an email when Johnson told him of his plans to have the first floor of Dorch for his trash, second for his stuff, and third for a “mega-mega-mega-mega bed.”

The Admissions Office has had some of their plans to ensure these abysmal numbers are not repeated next year leaked. Admissions Student Coordinator and Hat Guy Nick Miner told The Point News, “we might just give away free tuition.”