Spooning: The Latest Fad Among SMCM Students

Is it just me or have people at St. Mary’s been acting strange lately? Like any rational person I carry a spoon on my person at all times in case I ever have a spoon related emergency.

As a busy twenty-year-old, I sometimes need to eat a full bowl of cereal while walking to class, and while driving, I regularly need a spoon to eat my scolding cup of soup. I tried to convince others of the need to carry a spoon for years, but now it seems like people are catching on. Now everyone’s carrying around red spoons. Finally, students understand the need to eat a full carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream while in class.

The only problem is that some students have gone overboard with their love of spoons, and have even attempted to attack each other with these marvelous tools. These overly enthusiastic spoon devotees may have taken it too far. It is all well and good to eat a bowl of chili while riding the elliptical at the ARC, as we all do, but it isn’t okay to assault one another. Our movement will only grow through nonviolent action.

This reality is why I have organized a student sit-in in President Tuajuanda Jordan’s office to increase awareness around the many uses of spoons. Any students looking to make a difference should participate in this act of civil disobedience on April 1, and bring your spoons!

With luck, we will have sympathy from some within the administration. I have seen Dean Brown on three separate occasions using a spoon to eat directly from a microwaved can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup. Through these actions during graduation ceremonies and meetings Dean Brown is normalizing the use of spoons throughout this campus and I stand with him. Additionally, eyewitness sources confirmed to The Point News that Provost Wick refuses to eat with anything other than a spoon. On several occasions, our sources, who wish to remain anonymous, have seen Wick at faculty dinners impressively eating his steak with a spoon.

Our movement to increase access to spoons and normalize there use throughout campus will prove to be the first step in a broader societal change. No longer will Americans need to hide their love of spoons. The spoon is the perfect tool in almost every situation, and I am glad that people are beginning to see that, even though some may take this passion too far.

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