Wellness Center to Prescribe Medical Marijuana and Good Vibes

The Wellness Center at St. Mary’s College of Maryland announced on March 26 that they will start prescribing medical marijuana to students beginning this April. They plan to set it up like a “small dispensary” in the meditation room, and will provide it as a resource for eligible students experiencing a wide range of illnesses and ailments.

One of the Wellness Center employees in support of prescribing medical marijuana explained that in order to combat stress from school and general sicknesses, perhaps all students really need is to “inhale the good shit and exhale the bad shit.” When asked for their opinion on the possibility of backlash from people who are against marijuana, they stated that “this school is already full of hippies, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.” Some of the Wellness Center staff apparently took some convincing to agree on the importance of using medical marijuana to help students, but after some deliberation and research the consensus was that it is a positive move.

Public Safety officers are not particularly thrilled about the decision. One anonymous officer commented that they have already begun to enforce parking tickets much more frequently because they “will not know what to do with their time” once they are no longer able to write so many students up for smoking weed. Another officer expressed concern about how “all of the dorms will smell so dank.”

In order to combat this, there will be a few suites in the back corners of Waring Commons specifically for medical marijuana approved students, in order to leave many housing options for other students who are not comfortable with being around the drug. Imagine safe housing, but for weed. Another change that will be implemented will be that eligible students will have a marijuana leaf printed on their OneCards in order to ensure that they will not be penalized for using or possessing if they are approved.

Hopefully this decision will be a very positive thing for the student body. One student explained that they are enthusiastic about it because it will “keep students safe from the possibility of accidentally buying laced weed or, even worse, overpriced weed.” Furthermore, it will likely reduce the amount of drug-related crimes committed on campus (anyone remember the BB-gun robbery?) as drug dealers will have much fewer customers.

The Peer Health Educators will hold classes on different strains, routes of administration and overall information for students who are medical marijuana patients. “We will hold make-your-own bong workshops and help people learn how to use pipes” explained one Peer Health Educator. This will ensure that students are knowledgeable and safe about what they are putting into their bodies.

Be sure to make an appointment at the Wellness Center if you are interested in checking your eligibility for school-provided medical marijuana. As stated before, there are many different illnesses that medical marijuana can be prescribed to treat. We can expect to see many students suddenly and mysteriously developing insomnia, chronic pain and severe nausea in the coming weeks.

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