Open Letter to Botzman


In reference to the meeting held by Dr. Botzman on the “luxury liner.”

Dr. Botzman, I understand that this semester has been extremely hard on all of us, but I beg you to please imagine yourself in this situation, as ridiculous as it may sound.

Dr. Botzman, I would like to let you know that your office has mold. So, you need to pack up your office belongings and move them to President Urgo’s house within 12 hours. Don’t worry about getting to work because we have organized for SafeRide to pick you up every morning at 5am, running every 5 hours. I guess you’ll have a head start prepping for that meeting at 8 am since you will have been at work for 3 hours already. Unfortunately while prepping for the presentation in the meeting you realize you don’t have your computer. Well that stinks because the van isn’t going back to Urgo’s until 10am. Good thing this presentation for your meeting isn’t for a grade or anything.

Oh wait! Now that you have settled nicely into Urgo’s house, you are going to need to pack up your stuff again because you’re running up his water bill. But don’t worry! We have a luxury liner waiting for you in historic St. Mary’s City! Be ready to move in at 2 PM… no wait we mean 4 PM…actually you’re just going to have to wait until next Thursday. So while you are waiting to move you can practice packing and unpacking so you’re really good at it when you get to the boat. Don’t worry about getting work done because we are using two of your unpaid work days to help you transition.

Well, now that you’ve made it to the boat, all the way through the woods, down the hill from grandma’s house, you get to check out your new room! You know what’s really exciting? I requested you as my roommate! And don’t worry, there’s plenty of room in our crew cabin! You can sleep on the top bunk, but since you look like you are over 4’2” so you might not fit. Don’t worry though because even if you are uncomfortable, the constant, soothing noise from the generators will lull you right to sleep.

So now as you prepare for work, you pack all of the things that you will need for the day and trudge back up the hill. Once in your office you realize that in your old age, you have forgotten your laptop once again, but this time your colleagues will not accept your excuse for not having all of your materials since the boat is technically within walking distance. So for the second time today, you face the hill.

Now that you have been on the boat for a while it’s time for that yearly financial report and it’s due on Thursday. You are already behind from all the time you spent moving, but the report is still due Thursday. After pulling an all-nighter you receive an email stating that you  need to be moved out of the boat by 4pm , on Thursday. Failure to complete either duty will result in deduction of pay or termination.

While you are sitting in your metal, windowless crew cabin wondering how you will survive the coming days, you find out that your good friend Joanne Goldwater who has been living in the Greens, who had to move only once, is getting monetary compensation.

Wow, it must suck to be you.

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