Dear Miss Meghan,
My boyfriend goes to another school and has been trying to get me to sext him. I don’t know if I want to, am worried it will some how get out, or that I will be bad at it. Any advice?
The first thing I have to ask is are both you and your partner over the age of 18? Sending any images of exposed “private” parts of someone under the age of 18 may be considered distribution of child pornography. Yes, many under 18’ers do this anyway and don’t get caught; however, I’m fairly certainly you don’t want Chris Hansen showing up to your dorm room, so just be aware.
If you get sent a photo of someone who is underage and then forward the photo to anyone else, you get the joy of not only being in possession of child pornography, but also charged with distribution. Hello jail time. Minus the risk of prison however, sexting is 100% safe (no STIs or risk of pregnancy)!
May I suggest listening to your gut reaction? If you don’t want to sext, or are unsure, than stick with “not now hunny” as a response until you are ready. Trust is the key (because few people actually want nearly naked photos posted on TWI or some other website).
Trust not only in a partner, but trust in your own decisions. Also evaluate what both you and your partner are risking by doing this, as well as what will be gained (ex. fearful but building intimacy).
There are degrees of sexts, from sharing a fantasy or talking dirty over text message, to sending nearly nude photos with a casually placed arm, to the classic full on naked bathroom mirror cell phone camera shot.
You can decide if you are comfortable with a few text messages, but really don’t (or really do) want a photo of your boyfriend’s penis sent to your phone while you are in the middle of class.
You also want to decide how long you will keep the sexts on your phone, because there is nothing worse than having your little sister steal your phone and show your parents the “pretty picture” on it while you are home for break.
Start slow with a sexy “guess what I’m wearing” text message and see how it feels. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be. It will probably be hilariously awkward at first, but that is okay. You are allowed to laugh.
Sexting is a great way to learn about your partner and to build sexual communication skills because you have to be able to be explicit about what you want, like sharing a fantasy or describing what you would do/want done to each other.
If you know what your turn-ons are and can communicate them, then you will be a successful sexter. Don’t try and make the texts sound like they came out of an adult film. Use your own language, with a little bit of creativity and honesty thrown in!