Written by Clare Kelly.
Bath bombs are the latest fad! People use, make, and give them to one another. These objects of every shape and size—for they’ve evolved from the common, traditional shape of a sphere—have taken over every body of water from baths to pools. And, well, now they’ve come to St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM)–yes, even the little college, way down on the Western peninsula of Maryland. Chemistry, Mathematics, and Biology students deliberated with each other for weeks regarding the prospect of releasing a large bath bomb into the St. Mary’s River. The chemistry students studied the mechanics behind the reaction of the baking soda and the type of water in the St. Mary’s River while the biology students wanted to ensure the bath bomb would be eco-friendly to the organisms that claim the river as their home. The mathematicians calculated the exact measurements to ensure the bath bomb’s circumference did not exceed the length and width of the river itself.
Ironically, the science and mathematics departments reported instances of missing supplies to The Office of Public Safety (PS). The faculty claim there have been strange occurrences of finding classrooms covered in baking soda. One staff member even acknowledged seeing a ghost in Goodpaster Hall, although, on second thought, she said it might have just been a student covered in cornstarch and baking soda—or perhaps it’s just Casper dropping in for a visit. The SMCM community may never know. In an interview these students commented, “It’s truly strange, I- ah -I wonder how they happened.” Well, so does the rest of the SMCM community, buddy.
In the spirit of the St. Mary’s Way, no posters or advertisements were made for the releasing of the 9ft ball of baking soda, starch, and all of the other ingredients that appear in a bath bomb, yet, all of campus knew the time, place, and location of the unveiling. Students gathered at the waterfront in anticipation to see a great display. One spectator commented, “I’m excited to see the bath bomb. Rumors have engulfed all of campus, it has been the talk of the month.”
When the much-anticipated time approached, a Sysco truck pulled up to the St. Mary’s River Center. In much confusion, students chatted amongst themselves about the possibility of the truck being lost. Students began to swarm the truck to get the driver’s attention, but they just kept steadily backing up into the river, only stopping within feet of the water’s edge.
With a loud bang, the truck’s rear entrance snapped back to reveal the 9ft bath bomb. Students began to cheer and chant, as others helped roll the ball off the truck. To create the greatest effect, they decide to drop the ball off the side of the dock.
With one last cheer, the students settled into a deep silence as the bath bomb was pushed off the dock. Students watched the ball fall in silence, but all remained in suspense as they watched in anticipation for this ball of hope to re-emerge from the depths of the St. Mary’s River.
Students lined the decks, docks, grass, and boat ledges as they watched the bath bomb re-emerge to the surface. As the baking soda dissolved into the murky body of water—home to SMCM’s only Division 1 Team—colors of blue and gold emerged on the water of the river.
One student mentioned, “It’s beautiful to see all the students come together to grace the wonderful water of the St. Mary’s River with society’s greatest fad. What better way is there to commemorate THE National Public Honors College.”
It is without a doubt, that in all SMCM students do, they remain steadfast in their pride for the blue and gold. At the end of the day, they will do anything for their school, even if that means creating a 9ft bath bomb.
Disclaimer: This article was published as a part of our April Fools Edition.