Office of Planning and Facilities Unveils Direct Sewage-to-River Pipeline

The Office of Planning and Facilities has unveiled plans for a new, 10,000 foot long pipeline to direct sewage from campus directly into the St. Mary’s River and St. John’s Pond.

The Sharon Hope Ingills-Thompson Pipeline, named after former St. Mary’s College of Maryland (SMCM) President Dr. S.H. Ingills-Thompson, will carry thousands of gallons of raw sewage directly into the St. Mary’s River and St. Johns Pond 24 hours a day. “We’ve noticed people get really excited when we spill sewage into the St. Mary’s River, especially before events like the Polar Bear Plunge, so we decided to just cut out the middleman,” a spokesperson for the project said, “we are very excited to see what happens when we are just constantly dumping sewage into the river.”

Sources have indicated that St. John’s Pond and the St. Mary’s River will be “completely uninhabitable within minutes” of the pipelines’ initial spewing. The pipeline will collect sewage from all buildings on campus, and should keep a steady supply of sewage going into the river throughout its operation.

The SHIT pipeline is expected to be complete in September of 2020, and an official ribbon-cutting ceremony is scheduled for the weekend of Hawktoberfest, so parents, visitors and alumni can attend.

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