One of the primary tasks of the Student Government Association- creating the budget for the vast majority of student activities on campus- is under fire yet again as students from the Ant Farming Club insist they have been wronged by King Messick for personal reasons. Messick, of course, is a man of integrity and would never do such a thing.
Club President Ann T. Formicidae told The Point News in an exclusive interview that she’s certain the vote from the Student Government Association not to fund the clubs trip to the beaches of Hawaii had nothing to do with their failure to show up at the yearly budget meeting with the SGA Treasurer. “Our budget request was bare bones”, Formicidae said, adding that “We opted for only a 4 Star Resort, and didn’t even ask for the all-inclusive package.”
“There are ants in Hawaii,” said Sol Geminata, in response to one of the senator’s questions about how the club was justifying their expenditure, “and we want to see them.”
After the bill to fund the trip failed, King Messick politely informed the petitioners that if they had followed the standard procedure in requesting funding, they would be more likely to get it. But this answer simply wasn’t enough to satiate the die-hard “ant enthusiasts.
“It’s like they’re telling us insects don’t matter. All we wanted to do was learn, and the so-called “College” won’t let us do that? I thought College was about learning, but clearly I was wrong. The SGA doesn’t care about learning, they just care about saving money.”
The Point News was able to reach King Messick for comment on the matter. He denied the claims that the vote against funding the trip was personal, and stated that the SGA does, in fact, care about learning. “To be fair though, we do also care about saving money. That’s kind of how budgets work.”
King Messick also informed The Point News that the SGA simply doesn’t have the money to fund every club’s travel expenses. With a budget of $4.50, a paperclip, and some pocket lint, a trip to Hawaii was simply not in the cards for any club on campus. Luckily, Messick has been able to allocate funds to a few clubs already. The bouncy ball club was able to purchase a $1 ball for club use, and the Creative Writing Club got a new pack of pencils for $2. The Peer Health Educators were able to secure funding for a single condom, which will be used and reused at demonstrations. They do not, however, recommend reusing condoms under any other circumstances. The Outdoor Adventure Club claimed the pocket lint, a good fire starter for their club bonfires.
“That’s just ridiculous”, Formicidae said of the other clubs secured funding. “How come they get money and we don’t? Is it because there’s actually enough money for the things they were requesting? Or because their purchases would benefit more students than ours? It’s so unfair.”